26

So many times, I've seen it go
Seen the path it leaves behind,
But I must be blind,
Because still I follow in it's wake.

They say it's the best feeling,
When it comes, when you find it.
But come on, what about after?
How do they know how that feels?

It's said that in it's true form,
However, that there is no after,
There is no emptiness, no betrayal,
No coldness, no loneliness.

And even knowing all this,
Saying all these words,
I find it funny,
That I still fall for it.

It's a weird thing...
Love

25

Coming back down to reality,
Everything screaming past,
Too fast for my eyes to see
It's all just a blur to me now.

I collide with solid truth,
The impact shatters my mind,
Tiny small pieces,
What can stick them together again?

Looking around, watching them stare,
What is so different about me,
Another who has fallen from high,
Like so many before.

Walking home, nothing but my shadow,
Is beside me here,
It was different before...but how,
How and why?

Everything slows down,
No longer a blur,
My mind no longer in pieces,
Everyone has stopped staring,
No longer alone,
Back to normal.

Thankyou sanity.

24

Desperately, I call out your name,
To see if you'll come back around,
How can it be that it won't work,
Nothing can change reality.

Secretly, I crave to see you again,
That beautiful face, beautiful piercing eyes,
Silky long, shining hair.
Your brilliant features, no rival I find.

Carefully, I carry on forward,
Looking back to the memories,
Remembering the time we shared,
How I wish I could do it all again.

Safely, I treasure everything you gave,
The photos, the memories, all that reminds me,
All I need to stay in touch,
It's like you never went away.

Endlessly, I hold my pendant close,
Partners forever we said,
One for you, one for me,
Together taking on the world.

Sweetly, the thoughts of you,
Kiss my mind, like everytime you kissed my cheek,
Everytime we said hello,
Everytime we said goodbye.

Nervously, I look to a future without you,
Fondly, I remember every step we walked,
Calmly, I settle back down,
Lovely, are my dreams of you.

23

Now all I see is darkness,
No clarity for the future,
No clarity for the present,
The only thing I see clear,
Is the past blinding my sight.

What is it that will stop that light,
I need to step past it,
I need a new light to shine,
One to follow,
One to lead me forward.

So come on,
Shine that light for me,
Show me a new path to walk
Say that you need me,
Say that I can be yours.

22

Money means everything to you,
Buying clothes, buying make-up,
Buying books, buying music,
Money make your world go round.

Money can buy you anything,
Money can makes you happy,
But happiness has it's own price,
The price is reality.

Happiness is the ultimate price to pay,
No one here for you,
Nobody to care for you,
Money can't buy friends.

If money buys you everything,
Can you buy me a single second?
A single second,
For me to spend with you.

21

Waiting for the moment to come,
That moment that will connect our hearts,
The moment that will stop the earth spinning,
Just that single second.

One second is all it takes,
Can you give me that one second?
To make our worlds collide,
To light the spark to start the fire.

So come on, what's the wait?
A fear of being loved again,
A fear of seeing truth,
Move past your fear,
So come on my dear,
Let love be unchained.

20

Into free fall we go,
Life resumes it's course,
Down we go,
Falling, falling,
Destined to fall together,
Destined to love,
Destined to live.

Invaded by the liars,
Intruded on by the haters,
Split apart by the fakers,
False nobodies,
They got to you,
Can I make see the truth?

Don't be stupid,
You got what was coming,
A lie for the liar,
Hang on - no.
That isn't fair.
A lie that ruined us,
Over the small lies I forgave.

Why does it have to be this way?

19

One day your world will fall,
One day I will watch everything burn,
Everything you know will fall to pieces,
Everything you touch will turn to ash.

Something tells me you don't realise,
Nobody speaks, nobody stares,
Everybody avoids, everybody walks on by,
No fact can change the fiction you live.

One day you'll find pain,
One day you'll sit beside me,
And watch your world burn,
Cos i'll be right here,
Holding your hand.

18

Wishing that tomorrow's sun never rises, wishing that I could stay asleep in this beautiful dream, everything is so clear here, it's like everything has been forgotten and purity reigns free. But my dream is over, the autumn sunlight pours through my open blind, a voice saying "come on, it's time to go."

All day long I see everything that is wrong with today, but the saddest thing is we are powerless to prevent what we see, all I hope for is that when I sleep tonight, I'll have my dream again, and be safe from evil.

The evil that came with you.

17

I never meant it to be this way, never meant to leave you standing outside, in the pouring rain, never meant to make this hurt so much. A rumbling sound from deep inside my bag, a call, you say that you don't understand, but why is it so hard to comprehend that I can't feel the same about you, please just go, you're causing me so much pain and you probably don't realise it. It wasn't easy for me to tell you that I can't be with you, you've been an amazing friend for so long now, you came at me from nowhere, why aren't you surprised that I said no?

16

Sitting here, can't deicide, is love for real? Or just an invention? They say that true love always comes, but what about when true love leaves? The pain they all must feel, can I deal with that, at the tender age of seventeen? You say you love me, but do you really know what love is? You're no older than me, so as I stand here, with these thoughts running through my mind, I really have no clue...

15

Like the ticking of a clock, tick-tock, like the rain that hits my wondow, pitter-patter, the words you whispered in my ear, echo round and round, spinning crazy, it just won't stop, echo...echo...you love me

14

Carefree they call me, as I stumble through the hordes of people walking past, but my parents look on in anguish, wishing I wasn't the way I am. How little they know how much my life torments me, the living hell they've created, it's all just a front you see, I'm not carefree, I live in fear of what comes next, what is in that next second on the clock, the clock I wish would stand still, just for a second.

13

Deep inside I buried my feelings, without knowing that every day from then on, I would see you pass me by, swaying side to side, in that way that tempts me so. You could never be mine my mind tells me, that's why I buried my feelings, but my heart, oh how it beats when you say my name, when you shoot me a glance, oh how good it feels you know I exist. Ridiculous my mind says, she doesn't know you.

12

Curled up in bed she sleeps away the pain, but in the morning nothing will have changed. Everything was fine one month before, one month before he took everything and shattered it with that fateful kiss. Nothing can change what is done she tells herself, move forward, be strong, but so much is in her way. Little does she know, what awaits her next.

11

Nothing to report,
Nothing special happens,
So why do I sit here,
Writing meaningless words,
On pre-dated pages,
A diary of misery,
A diary of loneliness.

I flick back a three months or so,
To see what i once was,
Happy with everything,
Happy with everyone,
Tears stream down my face,
Why did it all disappear?

Back to today,
It's only half nine,
And I'm sitting in bed,
Reporting my loneliness,
Reporting my sorrow,
Nobody will ever read this.

Dear diary....

10

I climb the stairs of this city giant,
The halls in darkness,
The silence of the night haunted,
By my echoing footsteps.

As I climb I see your face,
Etched into every shadow,
I will be with you soon,
The wait will be over.

As I reach the limit,
The sounds of life flood my brain,
I look into the night sky,
And see the static light shining bright.

And one last look round,
I see you standing behind me,
You fade with a smile on your face,
Those city lights no longer static,
Draw closer by the second.

9

How many lies did you tell this time,
Just so you could get what you wanted,
No matter what you do,
I'm the only one who sees through you,
The cover up, the lies, the deceit,
You play everyone for a fool,
But not me.
Everyone who calls you a friend,
Do you really thing they will say the same,
When I blow your lies away,
Will they see you for who you really are?
Or will it be me,
The one who gets hurt every time,
Who loses everything in one fell swoop,
As I can also see, nobody knows who I am,
Whilst you steal all the limelight.
I'm not afraid to lose what I have,
As I can easily get it all back,
Friends are meant to be truthful and kind,
But you're just a monster,
How can you sleep at night?
This ends now.

8

I walk down this path,
That few others dare to walk,
I need to find the right direction,
As it's so easy to get lost.

I need a light to find my way,
It's so dark on this path,
I can hardly see a thing,
Everything is so unclear.

Suddenly a light at my side,
I grab it and hold it before me,
And everything becomes clear,
Illuminated in front of me,
The path to your heart.

7

I need you close, I need you by my side,
Don't go to far, as I need your energy,
Your energy that keeps me running.
But you say you can't feel the same,
And walk away, everything disappeared,
I can't move from the spot where you left me,
My energy has left me.

I need to move forward, but always seem in reverse,
Give me a sense of direction, so I can move on,
I reach out to passers by, to take my hand and pull me forward,
But nobody grabs hold.

Why did I even say yes in the first place?
I knew one day you would break my heart into a thousand pieces,
Be careful they all told me, he's a heartbreaker,
But I refused to listen and screamed,
He Loves Me!

Come back to me my love, my energy,
My life. Maybe things wouldn't be this way,
If I just for once listened.